Wait for love…be patient.
Ironically patience isn’t my forte, but i’m learning! I wear my heart on my sleeve, either I’m completely in or I’m not. I had in mind when I was younger, that I wanted to be married by 26, have two kids by 30 and be settled with a great husband and family. What I learned over time was, that I was still not ready. I was changing and growing with life experiences, taking care of my own family, and then after many years, myself. Then the big life changing and defining moment was becoming a Christian, which changed my dating perspective including the pool of people I could date or even marry or who would want to marry me. You must have heard of the saying ‘my other half’, which suggests you to need another half to complete you. My personal opinion now? What a load of rubbish! We don’t buy anything in halves – shoes are two whole shoes’, a bra has two cups – not one! A car has more – four wheels, a bicycle has two wheels – but they aren’t half of what they are, they are whole. Our mind, body and spirit, should be whole in and with God, not half for an obvious reason, if anything happened to that relationship – you’d be half again, and who wants to be half?
To a lot of people in love, they may think I’m being cynical and unromantic, you’d be far from the truth. Yes, I have been single for 11 years, but I’ve also learned that I shouldn’t settle for anything less than another whole person, because when you put two whole people together, you are stronger and with God at the centre of that – harder to break.
Many people settle in life, because of circumstances, bad choices and quite frankly hitting a certain age. I wonder if as many people would be broken, had they had made better choices, took the time to find someone right for them and didn’t worry about age. I wonder what would happen if they prayed for the right person. I think you can love an endless amount of times through life, because naturally that’s how we have been made. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s an action and a choice. It’s something we do. Feelings are temporary, one minute we are happy, another moment angry about something – so we cannot rely on those. Forgiveness plays a big part in love too, because let’s be honest, people annoy us at times.
I made some bad choices as a young woman, but I learned my worth over time. If you are honest with someone about how you feel and they run, let them, you don’t need to be with them. If they stay and want to know what makes you happy, sad, they walk side by side in your highs and lows, they care enough to call when you aren’t well, or when things aren’t going great, they call to just hear your voice, turn up unplanned and want to take you out – then be with that someone who desires to make you happy! Don’t be with someone who desires you only at 9pm on Friday night – not the lustful desire, but the desire to do anything to make you happy. For women particularly, with someone who thinks you are beautiful and they genuinely want to get to know YOU better and pray for you – this is a big thing. Be with someone who is like Christ loving his bride (his church).
We all have baggage from the past, but God is our healer and will help us to work through those issues, but we need to marry men/women who won’t run a mile and are willing to support one another on the journey of marriage together. Some people come from loving and nourished families, others from broken ones, and learning how to love from brokenness is often hard and not easy. Bad experiences in relationships can lead people to not trust the opposite sex, even if that relationship ended years ago. As humans we just ‘move’ on with the wounds and never heal, so we take our wounded self from one relationship to another, wounding others along the way. If we learned to stop and heal, we’d learn more about why we are the way we are and how to become better versions of ourselves. We are often still scared that we will get hurt again, the truth is, we might but the other side of that is, we might not.
If his/her values, morals, beliefs and goals are aligned to yours, then the purpose will be revealed to you both. Sometimes the purpose is for you to meet and help one another deliver what God has asked of you (and you may not know that just yet). There are seasons for everything, you may have a joint purpose, or it may be that you both have an individual purpose and its how you navigate at helping one another achieve what God has placed on your heart, it might be two wholes forming together to create something bigger than you can imagine. God already knows, he directs our steps, but we have to take them.
If someone tells you how they feel, don’t play with their feelings. Don’t keep them waiting, because they may just give up and walk away, not because they don’t care, but because no one wants to feel unwanted and feel like an option. They want to know you care. Guard your heart, use discernment but also don’t shut people out that are genuine and trying.
Don’t let the past dictate the future, when we were made one with God through baptism, he washed us clean, and he will use all the broken pieces to create a mosaic of a wonderful piece of art and that art is you. You can choose to share it or keep it hidden away.
I am passionate and as a good friend of mine always says ‘deep like an ocean’. The thing about deep oceans is, not many people want to leave the shoreline, not many will travel to understand the depth, yet its in the depth that you will find rarity and beauty that not every eye will see. Don’t stop being you, because you were created by God, uniquely and as you were meant to be, he will help you to work on the things you need to, and he will bring alongside someone who will grow with you through that journey, because we will never be finished articles. We will just learn a new part of us we never knew we had and keep growing until we’ve fulfilled our purpose.
I’m still praying for my future husband…because preparation for what you are asking for is key. Prepare to be a good wife or husband, because you will need to give and be what you want your future spouse to be. Yes, being honest it’s hard, it’s really hard some days being single but God also has been reminding me of his promises. I just need to hold on…
There is a beautiful song by The Kingdom Choir i’m in love with at the moment: Chases
‘Your love is chasing after me, your love is more than I can comprehend…can’t run away from it, won’t run away from you, why would I even want to?’
So wait for real love…be patient because God’s love story for you is far better than the one you are trying to write yourself.