“Enter by the narrow gate, for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are those who find it”
I am sure we have all been at crossroads, where our frustrations have risen, our hearts feel tangled and you are screaming inside but are quiet on the outside.
That’s where I have been in recent weeks. I know i’m not alone on this journey, I know God is with me…and I know he will meet me. I felt like inside me there was someone trying to scream loud but had lost her voice. During one of my recent bereavement counselling sessions, I said to my counsellor I feel like I could drop to the ground right now and crumble. I couldn’t keep going round and round in circles, I need to break this cycle.
Which cycle? The one where you are doing the same things over and over but getting nowhere. The story is the same, the outcomes are the same but you feel no further in life. Yes, through these trials and tribulations we endure pain but we also learn lessons. I know, Jesus suffered more and already knows my path and my ways. I know my story will make a difference, and so I will keep enduring whatever comes my way. There is power in the name of Jesus, and I know his power lives in me, I KNOW that God has a great plan, I KNOW that he wants me to do something big and I WILL do it, I just need to be bold in my actions and take risks.
It doesn’t matter if you do not live according to the world. Live according to God. I have a wonderful friend who I first met before I moved to Warwickshire. She has been a blessing and as we spoke a few weeks back, she said to me ‘I really feel you were born to do something great, but in order to be a leader you have to be bold and take risks. What’s your biggest fear? What’s stopping you?’ I felt paralysed and I know as you are reading this, you may be feeling the same way. We keep telling ourselves ‘what if this happens?’ but you or I needn’t worry because God has a plan.
I recently finished reading a great book by Ken Costa called ‘Know your why’ which also talks about all this, that God want’s to know our desires too, he doesn’t want us to be puppets, but make wise choices.
A few weeks ago with the same friend I mentioned, I went to a church on Gas Street in Birmingham. During worship, a lady came up on stage and felt God say to her that there was someone who needs to hear this ‘It’s not about the money, stop focusing on the money, because I am doing something far bigger than you can see’…cue my tears. I knew God meant this for me. The night before, I had sat with my friend and worked out what I had earned in the year and what tax was due. I remember breaking down, because both her and I knew, I didn’t have enough. I had worked out what I could sell, which is okay. A lesson I have learned is, I have been holding on to material things because they carry sentimental value of my grandparents. They always wanted to see me do well and have my own place. What I learned though is they are gone, and if the TV, washing machine etc broke, I would have to replace it, so there is no point holding on to it. What’s important, is I hold on to the love they showed me and the memories I made with them. I had felt like a failure, but I know i’m not, I am on the brink of a breakthrough and in times like this, we have to let go of what we think and let God. Believe me it’s not easy, but I know, and have every faith he will deliver. Ask me in a couple of years…
Since writing this a few weeks ago, God has blessed me with his mercy and love. The tax amount I thought couldn’t afford, actually came back at a fraction of what I had thought. My work contract came to an end and due to that I am moving out of my flat, but my church family have been amazing and yet again given me a roof over my head. I have been able to forgive a particular situation that had hurt me for 2.5 years because I prayed for God to reveal to me what I needed to do. Praying is not enough, you have to have faith that those prayers will be answered, it may not be the answer you want, though be sure God does listen. Praise be to God for his mercy and compassionate love, I know no matter what, he won’t leave me in my mess, but will turn it into a message.
Is there someone you need to forgive? Are you in a mess but have no idea which way to turn? Are you really watching and listening for answers, or are you too distracted by the mess?
‘The cross before, the world behind, no turning back…’
With love and blessings,